lying on my floor at the moment, its full of stuff. i can hardly find room in beteween empty beer cans and copies of the graudian. In fact very tired and fed up, however for what ever reason i cant seem to sleep. This seems as good as anytime to sum up my time in uni. Well i figure moving away form your family at anytime is a pretty big step, my family is pretty close we all rely on each other for help and guidence and however much we all agrue at the end of the day we all look out for each other like a fmaily should. After moving to uni my grand father who had been ill for some time with a more degenarative form of parkinsons desease began to detrirate, unfournatly after a long illness my grandfather ( on my mothers side) passed away aged 76 on the 4th of novemeber, for any family to deal with death is upseting and harrowing however my grandmother ( on my fathers side) had passed away suddenly only months earlier. At this point i was finding univesrity very difficult with pessure of first year university life (finding friends , doing well, staying sober) coupled with the death of my grand father i felt like i was sinking, and to be honset that feeling has never gone away. i have found it particallar hard being so far away form my family in the time when i need them and they need me the most. A Couple of weeks after my grand fathers funeral my father was daignoses with cancer, a chest scan uncovered a large cancerous tumor above my fathers heart, somthing around the size of a grapefriut if not bigger. i was called home and told the news, i was... and still am scared, all the worrying before uni about how i will fit in and what modules to take had all been blown away and all that is left i worry for my dad. My dad is probably the person i look up to most in the world, he is my role model my friend and most of all the best dad a son could hope for. He was treated at frist in hospital where they set out a cousre of Chemo- Therapy. Dad lost his hair like they do in the Tv soaps and documentaries spending christmas at home was wonderful, dad was like he always had been despite it all he could still laugh and joke. the chemo worked, the cancer stoped growning and even shrunk a bit. however it was very dense and it was unrealisitic to think that it would be removed compelty. Thats pretty much wher we are now, to remove the tumor my dad has to go to london and have a operation on the 11th of this month, its very serious and like i have been for the last 6 month im scared. The operation is a big one and a important one so my the cancer doesnt come back. Through all this i have been in leeds trying to get on with my life as best i can, removed and isolated from my family. Scared everytime the phone rang just in case it was bad news, i dont feel i have coped to well, i am a shell of who i was when i joined uni, but thats not what i care about. at the moment all i care about it my dad and that hes ok.
sorry for the spelling mistakes, just let it all spill out . ill edit it .
thx for reading this
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2 comments:
saying that sounds like a rough couple of months would be an epic understatement...i've lost 3 of my grandparents, none of them in such a short space of time though, and I really don't think its comparable. Having met them only 3 or 4 times in my lifetime, since they lived in india, i could hardly say i was close to them...even if them passing away did upset me. in fact i never even got to meet my mother's mother.
As for your dad, i can't imagine to begin how that feels or to understand what you're going through. My Dad had a stroke a few years back, but that was kinda sudden and once it was over i kinda knew it was ok...it wasn't like it dragged on, or i had to live in anticipation...i suppose i don't think of him as quite as invincible as i used to, but all in all, it doesn't really dwell. I was scared at the time, but still...
the medical student in me can't help but analyse the situation...it's good that your dad's tumour responded to the chemo and shrunk...tis always a good sign. And from the sounds of it the tumour is relatively well circumscribed and not spread anyway, which is also good news. And i'm sure the guys down in london know what they're doing...they're pros. Sounds like a kinda rare tumour...it doesn't ring any bells with me..so that's probably the main reason he has to go down in london...i'm sure he's in good hands...as big as an operation as it is, i'm sure it'll be ok..
i imagine it's pretty damn hard to be away from your family right now...and all things considered i think you're handling this really well. Your still chuggin along with uni and exams and stuff...and on the whole you're still managing with day to day activities and seeing people and the malark...you certainly don't seem like a wreck...And i know we're not your family, but you know if you ever need anything...just to talk or someone to scream at, me and everyone else are here for you. i know we can't understand..but we can still empathise and console...or if need be, distract.
Just a few more weeks, and you can go and see you're dad and the rest of the family...i'm sure everything'll be alright. the lack of sleep is more than understandable, and i know it's easy for me to tell you to look after yourself...but you should if you can...
just know that we're here if you need us. take care man. shall cya tonight...
This is great info to know.
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